Here’s a prime example of why the rest of the world thinks the USA is such a cesspool of rotten people — the California recall election. This is the shit the rest of the world sees, along with Survivor, Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire, Fear Factor and the fucking Oz-bores. They think we’re all like this and, frankly, it’s getting hard to argue with them. Personally, I don’t know how the rest of the planet can ever forgive us for abominations like N’Sync, J-Lo the no-talent Ho, and Christina Aguluera (or however you spell that skank-nasty gutter slut’s name).
Now, like sprinkles on a shit sundae, we have this ridiculous sham of a recall election with all the fine, upstanding citizens coming out of the woodwork and recoiling in horror once they see that Gary fuckin Coleman is running for Governor. The BBC called it an “Election Carnival” and they couldn’t be more right.QuickDraw McGraw The candiate list sounds like a cast sheet from the Laff-a-Lympics: The Terminator (let’s not forget about his appearance here), Larry Flint (think Hustler magazine), Mary Carey (porn star), Gary Coleman, Gallagher (yeah, the melon-smasher), a few convicted felons, a cigarrette-store tycoon, a couple of drag queens, and much much more human trash. Tomorrow, I’m expecting to read that Grape Ape, Quick Draw McGraw, and Huckleberry Hound have all announced their candidacy – and I’d gladly vote for any of them. Say what you want about Quick Draw, but he’s a stand-up guy. Er, horse.

Can’t we just remove California’s statehood, build a pretty wall around it, and make the whole mess into a big theme park? It’s already 90% there anyway, and we can give it a big parking lot with those little numbers on the poles, and a big sign that says something like “Media Land: Home of Camera Whores and Bottom Feeders” with a little asterisk at the bottom saying “*Please note that Californiatm is a ficticious theme park with no basis whatsoever in reality, and is most certainly not an actual state of the USA.” At least then it would be a little more clear that the other 49 states aren’t like this shithole. Well, 48. Florida sucks too. Better make that 47, ’cause New Jersey is the armpit of the continent. Well ok, 46 – who really needs Kentucky anyway??