I hate Twitter, and I hate it with a passion. Not because it’s poorly designed, or hard to use - it’s actually very well put together by some very smart people (whom I can’t blame for taking advantage of everyone’s complete lack of modesty on the web). I hate Twitter because of its users. Why would I or anyone else want to know what kind of noodles you’re eating for dinner, right now, in real-time, updated every four minutes in-between bites? Why do you Twitter Twits feel so compelled to share this incredibly mundane information? Do you crave attention that badly? Do you think your noodle preference is actually interesting? To quote my friend Rube, “That kind of shit makes me understand violence.”
To be fair to Twitter, it has some very smart and practical uses. You can make your updates totally private and only share them with family. This would be great if I were on an epic vacation, or just had a baby and wanted to let my relatives and close personal friends know what’s happening without spending all day every day on the phone (UPDATE: or using it for Foamee). That’s kind of cool. Too bad next to no one uses Twitter this way. What a waste.
If you’ve never heard of Twitter until now, congratulations, you’re not a Twitter lemming and I’m proud of you. Now please resist the urge to go start an account and join the flock of Twits, posting your own mind-numbingly pointless up-to-the-minute life updates that no one gives a shit about. I know you’re going to do it anyway, but just stick with me for a minute. I have a better idea.
A few days ago, I started my first Twitter account as a sort of protest. It’s my “Anti-Twitter.” It’s color scheme and user icon are the exact inverse of the Twitter defaults, and the content is pure deception and disinformation - the exact inverse of Twitter’s intended use. I post what I’m not doing right now. I post outright lies about where I am, what I’m doing and what I’m thinking. Not a single word of it is true. It’s my own little “fuck you” to every moron that thinks the world cares about their boring ass blogs, MySpaces, Facebooks and especially their micro-updates via Twitter.
So here’s my suggestion. Create your own Anti-Twitter account. Fill it with lies and only lies. Fight that idiotic urge to babble about what color your socks are today and how you’re “omg so tired right now”. Nobody gives a fuck, so save yourself the embarrassment and do something more fun. Make shit up. Be creative, be funny, be ironic. Just think of how great it would be to have hundreds of us doing this without a bit of truth to any of it. Instead of my own little protest, let’s make it a giant collective “fuck you” to the rest of the Twits.
Now go create your Anti-Twitter. You can use mine as an example, and use the inverted colors, background and icon I created. Here’s a handy zip file with everything you need:
anti-twitter.zip (93.7 KiB)
32 Responses to “Twitter has lots of twits. Go Anti-Twitter.”
I hate Twitter too. I hate it with passion too. I have several good friends who likes twitter, and that’s my biggest disappointment.
The Anti Twitter idea is not bad, but needs too much effort…I started my little personal resistance anti twitter posting very stupid messages on it. Like: “margotosleep is sitting” “margotosleep is thinking” “margotosleep is seeing” or similar very useless and neutral action.
I hope that some twitter users will convert themselves after this, and wuit twitter, but I really don’t believe it
You’re right, it is too much effort… but I think that applies to Twitter as a whole, too.
Ironic, seeing as it was said on one of said ‘boring ass’ blogs.
@elliottcable:
Read a little more of what’s here and you’ll find that I don’t pretend for a moment that anyone gives a shit, or would or should give a shit about this blog. Check up on your definition of irony, you’ve totally missed the point.
It also seems that you missed a key part of this post, so here it is again:
Agreed. It is becoming increasingly rare in an ambitious capitalistic society where one, anyone can be at peace nor be by themselves without being beside themselves.
Actually I don’t love twitter and I don’t hate it.
I am just spoiling it with loads of feeds created via twitterfeed.com.
Interesting to me is the number of followers such useless feeds have.
My advise to everybody out there: hang out with your lads once a while and twit face 2 face
Here you go http://twitter.com//twitmoron
Seems like I have a friend too: http://twitter.com//dulltwit
@post twitter user:
Exactly. It’s amazing what can happen when people unglue their asses from their chairs and actually go outside and interact with people in meatspace.
Finally someone that understands me, i have always said it, I DONT FUCKING CARE what people are doing right now. I HATE the status field in facebook, and i HATE the comment field in IM-clients. Why can’t people use their brain and understand that we dont give a shit about what they are eating og what color they are wearing.
Here’s more proof of the rising Twitter backlash from Penny Arcade.
Twitter is awesome for extroverted, very social people. If you are an introvert (maybe a loser, but let’s say you’re just a quiet, non-loser introvert who lacks just a little self-confidence), it can really, really, really suck to be on Twitter. You will “friend” some people. But if you have a hopeless, worthless, delusional crush on someone on Twitter, you will want to gouge out your eyes every time you read her tweets about having drinks with @coolhotguy1 or @awesomeguy2 or whomever. And when she’s a popular person and has 500 Twitter friends, most of whom are guys, you will feel like absolute crap non-stop as long as you are friending her…. But you ARE friends, so to unfriend her would invite scrutiny and questions you don’t want.
As for the creating a fake account, I wish it were that easy. The gig can get old real fast for some. It’s easy to do, and people will buy into your fake persona really fast. Lots of people more than willing to engage total strangers who say anything remotely interesting. But I can’t do it.
Yes, I know my story is pathetic. But it’s real. I’m sure I’m not the only one who signed on to Twitter and then couldn’t stand to read what their hot unattainable crush was doing 24/7.
I don’t like twitter… the twits are timed… ugh… I went 17 seconds over… and it wuldn’t let me post it… and then so I just thought… well… if I copy and paste the twit, maybe it won’t take that long… so I did… put right when I clicked paste… the timer went to -17… how stupid is that??? very.
this was the twit… but not the only one…
well… it is like 30 past noon… and I knew it! Jackie is running late… ugh… oh wel… well at least my tummy is better
okey dokey… well better go
so I mean really… why do they time?? Twitter is stupid… so I am now anti-twitter.
This was my first day on twitter… and I am addicted… but also confused and angry.
help.
“My advise to everybody out there: hang out with your lads once a while and twit face 2 face”
well… my advise to you is the same… YOU are on your computer too… so don’t blame us!! you are saying how we need to get outside? Well you too buddy! I say, guys, we are all the same her… we all found this sight sure enough, and we are all on our computers, AND we are all complianing about stuff, when we don’t HAVE to twit, we can just get up and walk away, it’s not like the computer will follow us! I am getting off, and NEVER coming back to this stupid site again!
I am not saying that I didn’t complaign… cuz’ I did, but I need to knock some sence into myself and you guys, so don’t start saying things like
“To be fair to Twitter, it has some very smart and practical uses. You can make your updates totally private and only share them with family. This would be great if I were on an epic vacation, or just had a baby and wanted to let my relatives and close personal friends know what’s happening without spending all day every day on the phone (UPDATE: or using it for Foamee). That’s kind of cool. Too bad next to no one uses Twitter this way. What a waste”
or
“My advise to everybody out there: hang out with your lads once a while and twit face 2 face”
or
“It’s my own little “fuck you” to every moron that thinks the world cares about their boring ass blogs, MySpaces, Facebooks and especially their micro-updates via Twitter.”
I know that a lot of people will disagree, but I don’t care, thank you for you people who took the time to read this.
I agree, Twitter is very lame. Fear not, though, for it is just a fad, and will die off when people get bored of it. Which will happen quicker than people think, because let’s face it, Twitter is mindless and most people are just using it because it is the ‘new thing’. Having said that, I don’t think we have reached the turning point yet; we will all have to endure this Twitter-craze just a bit longer.
Wow,this is hilarious.I was just telling my wife, almost verbatum, what was said here.Perfect.
If you hate it so much why even bother signing up to anti-twit? You are just adding to the numbers to add to their charts when they tell Google how many people they reach.
It’s like hating a corporate monster like Starbucks but still buying your coffee from them. I don’t get it!
I dont like tweekers,
and dont see much difference between a tweeker, and a TWITTER .
nervous compulsion for braindead morons.
I’m not going to justify Twitter with a positive or negative response, I’m just going to go on continuing to ignore it. Though, I guess I am happy there are quite a few who find it just as stupid as I do.
[...] describe just how I chew my food. But I do still like the idea of an anti-twitter, thought up by a dude who must be far smarter than the twatterers. I love the closing of the last line in the first paragraph there “To quote my friend Rube, [...]
Thanks so much for this! I am SO SICK of hearing and reading about Twitter everyfuckingwhere I go. I had to see what all the buzz was about and it’s so ridiculous! Even my favorite art website, NotCot, has devolved to second-by-second asinine updates.
I have to admit, apparently there are actually tons of people who are unfortunate enough to monitor every second (or broadcast their own) irrelevant little lives. Sadly, there are people who care about what noodles their friends are eating, and it deeply depresses me that these people aren’t spending that time reading a book or learning guitar or something.
HOWEVER, as an aspiring journalist I have been forced to realize that when it comes to marketing your blog or business online, Twitter is a force to be reckoned with. Most unfortunately, I just had to degrade myself enough to join, especially after reading this post and seeing that there are other haters Tweeting as begrudgingly as myself.
>>[READ MY CASE AGAINST TWITTER on Gnossos & the Masochistic Microbus]<<
[...] business online, Twitter is a force to be reckoned with. I myself have joined, begrudgingly, as an Anti-Twit.] Possibly related posts: (automatically generated)Does society really need Twitter?It’s [...]
Love the idea, love your angry vibe and the fact that you decided to do something about it! This is such a spoiled society, and people need to be told the truth now and then….just to take ‘em down a notch.
Just one admittedly picky note regarding using the contraction “it’s” on your post — it is incorrect to use the apostrophe when referring to something belonging to the “it.” Using “it’s” is correct for “it is,” but not correct for “it’s color scheme.” The possesive form has no ‘, while “it is” or “it has” uses the ‘.
Just call me Grammar Girl… I’m saving the world one apostrophe at a time. (Not that anyone cares.)
It is (see what I did there?) a bad habit. While I know the difference, I end up typing the incorrect usage anyway and I’ll be damned if I can retrain my fingers to skip that apostrophe. Anyway, thanks for letting me know.
OK. Obviously tension is a bit high with a few of the pro twitter advocates. I love this site (here, not twitter), and why I love it is none of anyone’s business except mine. I make my living on the computer and spend probably 80 hours a week with my mac. I have never been to twitter. Let me repeat that; I HAVE NEVER BEEN TO THAT SITE. So how can I possibly have an opinion that is valid and takes both sides into account. I can’t. And I don’t have to. Twitter is the most insanely stupid, moronic and fucked place online. So if you use it and don’t like what the main post was, leave. Don’t reply because you are a fuck stick. Leave and never come back because you are fucking rejects. Overview:
twitter : well made site for fuck holes to tweet
tweet : the word that makes me want to punch someone in the throat very hard
people who use Twitter constantly : I cannot say what I want to for fear of a swat team visiting me in the middle of the night.
thank you, thank you, thank you! I googled “anti twitter” to see if anyone besides me had no interest in posting a real-time bodily function log online OR reading about mundane lives of strangers. WTF is wrong with people?
Going “ANTI” means to ignore it.
By joining twitter and trying to do your stuff there, you clearly are missing the point of “contra-propaganda”.
History shows that things only dissapear when (a) people get bored or (b) people don’t know about it.
My 2 cents: if you hate twitter, don’t talk about it. Twitter produces it’s own information-overload. Why join the effort?
Hear-hear…
me no twitter either… me smart!
No really, stop shoving credits into the web by going “bad propaganda”. Don’t you know that “bad propaganda” is “propaganda” too?
If you would ask me: you are doing them a favour by even talking about them. Why? Well… think of this one: [you blog about twitter] -> [search engine archives] -> [search engine thinks twitter is important as a word or website] -> [twitter gets better rankings].
Erm, wake up… please?
BTW: do you know this article at CNET?
http://news.cnet.com/The-case-against-Twitter/2010-1038_3-6187291.html
Sammy:
Some people, and it seems you are included, are content to ignore what they disagree with - “just ignore it and it’ll go away.” It doesn’t work.
Other people, myself included, prefer to be more active. One can do more damage from within a system then they ever can outside of it.
You should see the traffic stats for this post. It’s been linked all over the place where others are making the same argument against the mundane babble and uninteresting usage of Twitter. Hell, you found this post, didn’t you? And by commenting here you are contradicting the very advise you’re attempting to give me.
Sure, posts like this add to Twitter’s publicity, but it also contributes heavily to Twitter’s criticisms. Google for “anti twitter.” This post is #2. If you think this fad will change only if the web is 100% free of Twitter criticism, you’re a damn fool. Without vocal dissent nothing will ever change. And for the record: I don’t want Twitter to die (or care if it does). I want it’s users to change their behavior. I’d like them to say something interesting, something useful, something worth saying… or not say anything at all.
I think YOU need to wake up. My eyes are wide open.
I’ve recently been getting spammed by email invites to join Twitter by friends, business associates, email newsletter list admins, etc, etc… Soon Twitter invites will be more pervasive than “genuine Viagr@” offers. ISPs are going to have to block twitter invites and tweets to preserve bandwidth!!
So I joined, just so I can block them from doing it again. I suppose I could just set up a filter on my email account to send all twitter invites automatically to the trash, but that doesn’t send a message.
It probably won’t make a whit of difference but it makes me feel better. I would love to have the record of having the most friends BLOCKED from sending me tweets. That’s the ultimate anti-twitter IMHO.
i have never been on twitter (save to look at your Anti-Twitter-tweet) and i never hope to be subjected to its innane BORINGNESS. Why do i need to know that Bob from next door branched out and had Hazelnut coffee today, not just a latte? why do people waste their lives in front of a computer screen telling the rest of the world how they are wasting their lives sitting in front of a computer screen? I agree that Twitter could be useful if people changed their ways, it could be used to change the world, form support groups for people, change the global possition on important issues etc. but right now it is used by people looking for instant gratifictation that someone acctually wants to listen to their opinion on nothing at all.
sorry for my rant, dont even get me started on Myspace/Facebook/Habbo/Bebo/….
If I want the world to know my business, I’ll buy airtime on CNN. Twitter is for self-absorbed idiots who think their every move is important to someone else. It’s not. I don’t care if you just hailed a cab in NYC or if you just ordered a pizza with anchovies and green peppers. Your life is not that important. Get over yourself, Twit.
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