I hate Twitter, and I hate it with a passion. Not because it’s poorly designed, or hard to use - it’s actually very well put together by some very smart people (whom I can’t blame for taking advantage of everyone’s complete lack of modesty on the web). I hate Twitter because of it’s users. Why would I or anyone else want to know what kind of noodles you’re eating for dinner, right now, in real-time, updated every four minutes in-between bites? Why do you Twitter Twits feel so compelled to share this incredibly mundane information? Do you crave attention that badly? Do you think your noodle preference is actually interesting? To quote my friend Rube, “That kind of shit makes me understand violence.”
To be fair to Twitter, it has some very smart and practical uses. You can make your updates totally private and only share them with family. This would be great if I were on an epic vacation, or just had a baby and wanted to let my relatives and close personal friends know what’s happening without spending all day every day on the phone (UPDATE: or using it for Foamee). That’s kind of cool. Too bad next to no one uses Twitter this way. What a waste.
If you’ve never heard of Twitter until now, congratulations, you’re not a Twitter lemming and I’m proud of you. Now please resist the urge to go start an account and join the flock of Twits, posting your own mind-numbingly pointless up-to-the-minute life updates that no one gives a shit about. I know you’re going to do it anyway, but just stick with me for a minute. I have a better idea.
A few days ago, I started my first Twitter account as a sort of protest. It’s my “Anti-Twitter.” It’s color scheme and user icon are the exact inverse of the Twitter defaults, and the content is pure deception and disinformation - the exact inverse of Twitter’s intended use. I post what I’m not doing right now. I post outright lies about where I am, what I’m doing and what I’m thinking. Not a single word of it is true. It’s my own little “fuck you” to every moron that thinks the world cares about their boring ass blogs, MySpaces, Facebooks and especially their micro-updates via Twitter.
So here’s my suggestion. Create your own Anti-Twitter account. Fill it with lies and only lies. Fight that idiotic urge to babble about what color your socks are today and how you’re “omg so tired right now”. Nobody gives a fuck, so save yourself the embarrassment and do something more fun. Make shit up. Be creative, be funny, be ironic. Just think of how great it would be to have hundreds of us doing this without a bit of truth to any of it. Instead of my own little protest, let’s make it a giant collective “fuck you” to the rest of the Twits.
Now go create your Anti-Twitter. You can use mine as an example, and use the inverted colors, background and icon I created. Here’s a handy zip file with everything you need: [download=1]
11 Responses to “Twitter has lots of twits. Go Anti-Twitter.”
I hate Twitter too. I hate it with passion too. I have several good friends who likes twitter, and that’s my biggest disappointment.
The Anti Twitter idea is not bad, but needs too much effort…I started my little personal resistance anti twitter posting very stupid messages on it. Like: “margotosleep is sitting” “margotosleep is thinking” “margotosleep is seeing” or similar very useless and neutral action.
I hope that some twitter users will convert themselves after this, and wuit twitter, but I really don’t believe it
You’re right, it is too much effort… but I think that applies to Twitter as a whole, too.
Ironic, seeing as it was said on one of said ‘boring ass’ blogs.
@elliottcable:
Read a little more of what’s here and you’ll find that I don’t pretend for a moment that anyone gives a shit, or would or should give a shit about this blog. Check up on your definition of irony, you’ve totally missed the point.
It also seems that you missed a key part of this post, so here it is again:
Agreed. It is becoming increasingly rare in an ambitious capitalistic society where one, anyone can be at peace nor be by themselves without being beside themselves.
Actually I don’t love twitter and I don’t hate it.
I am just spoiling it with loads of feeds created via twitterfeed.com.
Interesting to me is the number of followers such useless feeds have.
My advise to everybody out there: hang out with your lads once a while and twit face 2 face
Here you go http://twitter.com//twitmoron
Seems like I have a friend too: http://twitter.com//dulltwit
@post twitter user:
Exactly. It’s amazing what can happen when people unglue their asses from their chairs and actually go outside and interact with people in meatspace.
Finally someone that understands me, i have always said it, I DONT FUCKING CARE what people are doing right now. I HATE the status field in facebook, and i HATE the comment field in IM-clients. Why can’t people use their brain and understand that we dont give a shit about what they are eating og what color they are wearing.
Here’s more proof of the rising Twitter backlash from Penny Arcade.
Twitter is awesome for extroverted, very social people. If you are an introvert (maybe a loser, but let’s say you’re just a quiet, non-loser introvert who lacks just a little self-confidence), it can really, really, really suck to be on Twitter. You will “friend” some people. But if you have a hopeless, worthless, delusional crush on someone on Twitter, you will want to gouge out your eyes every time you read her tweets about having drinks with @coolhotguy1 or @awesomeguy2 or whomever. And when she’s a popular person and has 500 Twitter friends, most of whom are guys, you will feel like absolute crap non-stop as long as you are friending her…. But you ARE friends, so to unfriend her would invite scrutiny and questions you don’t want.
As for the creating a fake account, I wish it were that easy. The gig can get old real fast for some. It’s easy to do, and people will buy into your fake persona really fast. Lots of people more than willing to engage total strangers who say anything remotely interesting. But I can’t do it.
Yes, I know my story is pathetic. But it’s real. I’m sure I’m not the only one who signed on to Twitter and then couldn’t stand to read what their hot unattainable crush was doing 24/7.
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