Hi MSNBC, I’m glad you came to see me today. Take a seat. Thanks.

How are you? I’m fine — oh wait. No, I’m not fine. I’m pissed. I shouldn’t be pissed, but it’s so fucking simple and you just can’t seem to figure it out and it’s irritating me enough to call you in here for this little chat.

You’re not going to like hearing this, but… I don’t watch TV. I hate it, for the most part, because there’s such an abundance of utter dogshit on the air that it’s very difficult to sit through the endless parade of mind-numbingly stupid commercials just to watch a few minutes of an equally idiotic show. So, I don’t watch TV. Which means I don’t watch your shows either. That is, unless I can get shows as a video podcast or through something like hulu or Joost. These, I can stomach. I get my shows, they show me one commercial per break (tolerable) and I can watch it when I want. Simple. We all win.

Anyway, I don’t watch TV so I don’t get to see Countdown as it’s broadcast. You started putting the whole show into an audio podcast, and I was happy. I liked you for this, it earned you points. Then you decided to make the whole show a video podcast. Even better! I liked you even more for this and, more importantly for you, I was finally watching your show on a regular basis.

At least for a little while.

I was able to watch the Countdown video podcast three… maybe four times from beginning to end. Why? Because, for some reason, you - a TV network - can’t seem to figure out how to fucking record a TV show. That should include all of the audio and all of the video instead of only the first 4 minutes followed by 35 minutes of static. No. Can’t do that. It’s too hard for you, I suppose. Its been weeks, but you still can’t make sense of this technology stuff (do you recall what the MS in your name, MSNBC, stands for? I do). So what do you do? You just keep uploading the half-assed chunks of busted bullshit anyway and… what? Hope that no one would notice?

Well, I noticed the first time. And the second, and the third. At first I just thought you were settling in, getting used to this whole internet thing. Growing pains, learning curve and all that shit. The video was only half-available, or the audio cut out after the first 5 minutes never to return again… After the 10th time, I just got pissed. And here we are, MSNBC. Me pissed, and you in my office getting yelled at.

Yeah, I know it’s free, but “free” shouldn’t also mean “doesn’t work at all.” Do your techs need some cash? A tip or something to get their asses in gear to fix this, or maybe just test their work before publishing it? Because I would have flipped you a couple of bucks for the show, but now that I see how utterly impotent you are at putting together a simple podcast - no way.

No, don’t give me that “it’s complicated” bullshit. It’s simple. I do it myself on a regular basis and it’s not hard. Do you need me to send you a How-To guide? Or maybe a breakdown of the logic that should lead you remove a continually broken podcast from syndication until it’s working properly?

No?

Oh… so you’ve got a handle on all of this then? You do. Good.

Because if you don’t have it taken care of by this time next week, I’m going to have to let you go. I know, I know… you have kids and health insurance and elderly parents to take care of and blah blah blah. I guess that means you’d better get your shit together, huh?

You can go back to work now. We’ll talk again next week.